On this day in 1980, I learned that life is not fair - really not fair. Wes and I were headed to the hospital; I was in labor with our first child. We so wanted to meet this child, hold this child, love this child.
But, once we arrived at the hospital things quickly became apparent that this child would not survive. She had a birth defect that was not compatible with life. I delivered our daughter and she was stillborn. Our hearts were shattered into a million pieces, and somehow we had to go on.
The next lesson I learned was hope. Hope that time would heal our raw wounds. Hope that tomorrow would be a better day. Hope that someday we would be able to deliver a healthy baby into our world.
Now I am here, 27 years later, learning that time can heal deep wounds, that there is life after despair. We have been blessed with Anne and John, and they are incredibly precious and loved by us as well as many others. Their oldest sister has always remained deep in my heart and thoughts and I thank God I could be blessed to carry her inside for nine months and learn the biggest life lesson of all: love. We miss you, dear one.
6 comments:
Deb, Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your life. I am glad that you can look back and remember the lesson and also the love and hope that you now have.
Peace to your dear little one's memory.
deb, your intimate post is a gift to me. steven and i often refer to 'if' we have children, not 'when' - for the simple reason that so many are unable to experience such a gift, we don't want to presume we will be able to. tears fill my eyes for the hurt you must have felt on this day. what a great God we serve, who concerns himself with our heartbreak and brings us peace through years of healing. thank you for sharing.
Peace to you, Deb, and a big hug, too.
Please know how much I appreciate your thoughtful, heartfelt comments, Samara, Melissa and Cherith.
And to those of you who read the blog and then talked about it with me in person, I thank you, too.
I am blessed to have you all in my life.
It is a beautiful thing that you keep your daughter's memory alive and think of her on her birthday, because her spirit is here with us. Thank you, Deb.
Thanks for the tender post, Deb...I never knew I had a cousin born just 12 days after me. *hugs*
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